Heartaches erupt whenever those we love reject God’s gracious gift, choose to live outside of godliness, or make self-destructive mental health decisions. These situations careen us toward two inevitable crossroads: How will we respond to God and how will we respond to those we love?
Reactions Toward Loved Ones
As for the latter, failure to remember we are only in control of our ourselves can lead to excessive suffering. We do not control other adults. Yet, how will we respond to others when our hearts ache over their choices?
Three reactions are prevalent: self-protection by either developing a callousness that dismisses them or by denying anything is wrong, self-destruction by carrying the over-whelming burden of trying to fix them, or self-preparation for when they are ready to accept help.
Self-preservation techniques fail to exemplify a disciple’s life. Why? The disciple emulates our Lord’s gracious patience, unending offer of love and a commitment to truth. Self-preservation will jettison one or more of these godly attributes.
At the other end of the spectrum is the spirit-crushing self-destructive path that emerges from assuming responsibility over what we cannot control. Although it might be unconscious, does not the attempt to control the uncontrollable distort what it means to be human and involve trying to play God?
What is certain is that constant pain along with its vast consumption of time and resources will sap our strength and diminish our ability to engage our world as healthy disciples. While concern for others will weigh heavy, we also need to remind ourselves, "This is their choice. I have done what I am able. I don’t have control."
Self-preparation provides a healthy option for the present and the future. Realizing we have limitations, we offer within our ability what is needed. This might be information. This might be resources or something else. The responsibility then lies upon the other to accept and respond. Through love, we have accomplished what is within our power.
Furthermore, the way of self-preparation exudes self-care. Unless self-care is practiced, we won’t be in a healthy position to assist others when they are open to receiving our help.
Reactions Toward God
Whenever deep heartache erupts we face the crossroads of what will we do with God. I won’t enumerate unhealthy responses such as abandoning God.
Paul counseled us to cast aside anxiety and lay our requests before God with thanksgiving (Philippians 4:6). God loves us. Today God granted us life. Christ provides ___, our thanksgiving list goes on and on. And then God provides a peace that passes understanding.
Paul also observed that how God comforts us in our troubles can equip us to bless others with the comfort we have received (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
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