A short handbook on love
Regardless of economics, race or status, people value love. Genuine love shapes what is good and true. Not unsurprisingly, love permeates and lies at the heart of the biblical message.
Since love can carry so many meanings, it is helpful to distinguish between these to understand the type of love intended to serve as a hallmark for Jesus’ followers. The Greek New Testament facilitates clarity. Why? Not only does Greek contain different words for love, but this was the original language of the New Testament.
Storge
Storge is the love of belonging that exists between family members. It is a beautiful form of love God has given us. Yet, it is not mentioned within scripture.
Eros
Eros is probably what most people mean when they announce with a smile, “I’m in love.” This type of love covers everything from queasy stomachs, warm fuzzy feelings to the thrills of strong sensual passion.
Eros has two interesting characteristics. First, it is dependent upon one’s situation and circumstances. We feel attraction and passion based upon our perception and experience.
Second, eros is held captive by our perceptions. For example, if someone perceives a particular quiet evening dinner with candles to be romantic, eros will thrive. However, passion vanishes whenever someone interprets the current situation as undesirable.
Although eros might make us feel like we are on cloud nine, it is fickle. Why? Eros will rise and fall dependent upon circumstances outside of our control. Thus eros is not a reliable basis for building a deep and meaningful relationship. While eros can be wonderful, scripture never mentions it.
Philia
We recognize philia from the name Philadelphia, which means brotherly love. Philia is friendship love, best friends, and being with those people you enjoy.
Although philia is wonderful, it too is unreliable since it is also dependent upon situations, perceptions and expectations. Unfortunately, we probably all know of a friendship which waned or became severed because of time, distance, harsh words, or how someone interpreted another’s actions. While philia is mentioned within scripture, it is not the core idea of love commanded for disciples.
Agape*
Unlike other forms of love, agape can thrive even in hostile environments. How is this possible? Agape is based upon the commitment of the decision to seek one’s well-being.
Since agape is not limited to being a reaction nor a feeling to how I’ve been treated or what I perceive, agape can proactively act where no warm fuzzy feelings exist. For example, Jesus’ teaching to love (agape) our enemies reveals the boundless nature of agape to seek another’s well-being. Luke 6:35
The New Testament is full of examples and teachings illustrating the nature of agape:
- Even knowing that sinful man would kill His Son, God loved (agape) us by sending his Son since only the cross could provide redemption. John 3:16
- Those who love (agape) Jesus will do what Jesus taught. John 14:15,23
- If a person has material resources and the love (agape) of God within him, his heart will take care of those in need. 1 John 3:17
- Just as Christ through love (agape) acted for the well-being of the church, so too the Christian husband should act to seek his wife’s well-being. Ephesians 5:25-29
The proactive nature of agape does more than merely soar above its environment. It can also empower passion and friendship! When a spouse chooses to speak and act toward the mate with agape, this creates the loving environment in which eros and philia can thrive! The spouse can even offer nourishing agape when the marital situation is unhealthy!
Proclaiming biblical ideas accurately will not grab the world’s attention. However, demonstrations of agape are not only attractive, they reveal we follow Jesus. John 13:35
*For the sake of simplicity, this article uses agape to refer to both agape (noun) and agapeo (verb).
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