Category Archives: Sex

Wound

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knee.jpgWHENEVER YOU ARE impatient in sex, you’re going to do one of two things: you’re going to harm a good relationship, or you’re going to prolong a bad one…
When I say harm a good relationship, one of the worst things you can do is to get into premarital sex because it teaches you to communicate on a surface level. Sex becomes the power of your marriage instead of being the follow-through… You can’t run a marriage on sex.
A toddler, after scraping her knee, went to put some medicine on it as she had seen her mother do. Not knowing where the medicine was, she grabbed something that looked like it. It was in a tube like the one she’d seen her mother use. But the tube she grabbed was Super Glue. After pressing the Band-Aid down tightly, her “owie” felt better–for a time. Untill her mother removed the bandage…
If sex is used to resolve conflicts before marriage, it will be used in the same way after marriage, like the toddler using Super Glue–in a mistaken attempt to heal wounds. On the surface level it appears to be medicine, but it actually causes more harm than good. Things might “stick” together for a time, but the wounds don’t heal any more than did the toddler’s scrape. In fact, using sex to heal conflicts only makes the wounds worse.
If a couple doesn’t change their view on sex once they are married, they will continue to use sex as a substitute for real healing, thinking it’s holding the marriage together. They will look to their marriage bed to tell them if they are close or not. Their intimacy will be no greater than their last sexual experience–and will last about as long.
Biblical love, however, is modeled after Jesus. It does not seek its own pleasure. Heather Jamison, “Not As Strong As We Think,” Reclaiming Intimacy, 87-88
KneEmail: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.” 1 Thessalonians 4.3-8
Bible reading for 06.10.11: John 19.1-22; 2 Chronicles 34-36
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Intimacy

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21907656_240X180.jpgHOW DO WE live in a media-saturated culture and not be affected by it…?
Unless you want to live in a cave and have no contact with the outside world, I don’t believe there is any way to be completely unaffected by the media. However, there are ways we can be less affected by it.
Suggestions:
1. Learn to discern. Just because a movie is at the theater or on the video store shelf, it doesn’t mean we need to see it. Make a commitment not to view sexually explicit movies, which would include most R-rated movies Use a resourse such as www.pluggedinmag.com to evaluate movies you are thinking about watching.
2. Consider your reading material wisely. When sitting in a waiting room surrounded by magazines, stop and consider what you are about to feed your mind.
3. Determine ahead of time what you will and will not watch, rather than simply hitting the clicker on the TV remote and surfing channels.
4. Limit movie and TV viewing to shows that do not idealize sex outside of marriage. If soap operas have captured your time, choose another form of entertainment in the afternoon.
5. Be willing to turn off movies and television shows if you discover they are sexual junk food.
6. Read magazines and books that will encourage you in marriage and God-honoring sexuality. Jill Savage, “Intimacy Inhibitors,” Is There Really Sex After Marriage, 39-40
KneEmail: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” Philippians 4.8-9
Bible reading for 03.30.11: Luke 5.17-39; Judges 9-10
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Amusements

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clean heart.jpg IN HIS BOOK Wordly Amusements, Wayne Wilson describes worldly entertainment as that which does at least one of the following…
1. Promotes an evil message. It presents evil as good. This can be done by celebrating sins, such as lying, stealing, murder, fornication, or adultery. Sin is presented in an attractive way.
2. Uses an evil method. Regardless of the point of the story, the performers are made to behave in ways that are shameless and immoral. A story may lead to the conclusion that adultery is bad, but if we must wallow through a sea of flesh to reach this conclusion, the work qualifies as worldly.
No matter how excellent the production or acting, no matter how true the moral of the story, if something promotes an evil message or uses an evil method, the discerning Christian will avoid it. And it doesn’t matter how many awards it has won! Joshua Harris, “Half A Poison Pill Won’t Kill You,” Not Even A Hint, 123
KneEmail: “For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.” 1 Thessalonians 4:7-8
Bible reading for 09.17.10: 2 Corinthians 10; Proverbs 27-29
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Preserve

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rose.jpg
A TEACHER HAD twelve students in his class…
He brought into the room a box of thirteen roses. Taking one of them out of the box, he passed it around the class asking each student to handle and smell it. Afterwards, he placed it back into the box. When the class period came to a close, he passed the entire box of roses around the room for each student to get one for themselves. With twelve students and thirteen roses, naturally there would be one left.
Which do you suppose it was?
It was the one everybody had touched — the one whose petals was falling off that did not look very fresh anymore.
In like manner, we urge all of our young people to avoid becoming used and soiled. Rather, we encourage them to preserve their chastity and purity at all costs, giving themselves to one man or one woman for life. (Allen Webster, “Why Not Be a Prodigal?”)
KneEmail: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you should abstain from sexual immorality.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3
Bible reading for 08.10.10: Romans 11:1-18; Psalm 79, 80
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Blameless

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noah.h1.jpg NOAH WAS “RIGHTEOUS in his moral relations to God…”
He did what was right. This passage even says he ewas “perfect” (NASV–”blameless”). This cannot mean he was sinless (remember Genesis 9:20-21). Elders too are expected to be “blameless” (1 Timothy 3:2 KJV), but that certainly does not require sinless perfection (cf. 1 John 1:8). It does however, in both cases, indicate a comparative maturity that causes one to turn away from sin as soon as it is pointed out to him. Noah was this type of person; in fact, he “walked with God.” He accepted God’s will as his standard. He was not a part of the corrupt society of that day (Genesis 6:12). Rather, he did “according to all that God commanded him” (Genesis 6:22) with reference to the building of the ark and preaching to the sinful society of his day.
The sixty-four dollar question for all Christians today is: do we really try to live a blameless life? Do we study God’s standard and listen carefully when it is preached and turn away from sin when it is pointed out? That is what it meant to “walk with God” like Noah did. Earl Edwards, “Noah, Who Preached Righteousness, ” The Book of Genesis: Foundational Truth and Unfolding of God’s Plan of Redemption, Curtis Cates, Editor, 881-882
KneEmail: “Therefore, beloved, looking forward to these things, be diligent to be found by Him in peace, without spot and blameless.” 2 Peter 3:14
Bible reading for 07.08.10: Acts 15:22-41; Job 36, 37
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Signpost

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talking3.jpg …THE DESIRE TO talk is a behavioral tendency, not a gender issue…
There are men who love to talk and there are women who love to talk. The fact that a man wants to talk does not mean that he is weak. The most powerful men in the world are those who know how to communicate and negotiate. Every day the heads of countries sit downwith other leaders and discuss delicate issues that will alter the course of our world. Many businessmen daily negotiate multimillion-dollar deals that create our national economy.
So the real issue about communication is not a “male-female” issue; it is a value issue. We talk to people whom we value about things that we value: We transact business deals; we broker loans; we answer questions for customers. Why? We value the paycheck. That value gives us the emotional resources we need to communicate. Then when we come home, we expect our mates to do all that we want out of obligation. We want the emotional payday, and we certainly want the passionate payday. But are we willing to invest in our relationships as we are in our jobs?
What does that mean, you ask? Let me put it this way: Are you interested in your mate’s life? Do you want to know about his or her day? Are you interested in what your spouse has experienced and accomplished? Are his or her feelings really important? Is your mate precious enough that you care about his or her life? Communication is a signpost along the road to affection and passion. If you don’t see one, you are lost and traveling down the wrong path. Dr. James Richards, “Safe Communication,” We Still Kiss, 139-140
KneEmail: “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.” Proverbs 12:18
Bible reading for 06.10.10: John 19:1-22; 2 Chronicles 34-36
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Passion

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touch.jpg I CANNOT COUNT the number of people I have counseled who were passionate for their mates when they were dating or early in their marriage but who now despise their touch…
Too many men, being driven purely by the need to satisfy their sexual passion, make their wives feel they are of value only when they meet their husband’s sexual needs. Driven by the self-centered, immature need for gratification, the man unwittingly sends that message. When men pressure for sex, pout when they don’t get it, and expect sexual rewards for every act of kindness, they send a message that says, “I do not have agape-love for you. I do not value you as a person. I do not hold you in high esteem. You are not precious to me. You are only an object that I use for self-gratification.”
Too often we begin our marriages with more personal passion than agape-love. Remember, eroticism apart from agape is self-centered. It becomes purely an act of self-gratification. In many cases we are young and inexperienced. In other cases we are hurt from the past and influenced by previous fears and failures. Too many marriages have begun without the tools necessary to build the relationship that was hoped for. Dr. James B. Richards, “Your Pearl of Great Price,” We Still Kiss, 69-70
KneEmail: “For where…self-seeking exist[s], confusion and every evil thing are there.” James 3:16
Bible Reading for 06.09.10: John 18:19-40; 2 Chronicles 32, 33
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Affection

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hug4.jpg ONE REASON WOMEN avoid approaching their husbands for a simple hug is because to ask for a hug is interpreted as a signal for sex…
When a man learns that a hug can be simply a signal for closeness and that his wife should be able to ask for a hug and not be groped, the couple has reached a new level of emotional bonding. When a wife knows that her husband loves her for who she is without physical gratification, she feels connected. A man, then, can learn that the greatest intimacy in a relationship is the disclosure of himself. The relationship then becomes safe without the fear of rejection. Paul Hegstrom, Angry Man and the Women Who Love Them: Breaking the Cycle of Physical and Emotional Abuse, 38
KneEmail: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.” Ephesians 5:25
Bible reading for 06.01.10: John 12:27-50; 2 Chronicles 15-16
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Security

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insecurity2.jpg OFTEN A GIRL who grows up with little or no affection from her father is set up to be tempted to a greater degree sexually than a girl who receives the right kind of male affection at home…
A girl who did not get the love she needed at home may seek it somewhere else. With no conscience decision on her part, male affection may come to mean security to her. The initial feelings she experiences–even in a bad relationship–are so much better than the emptiness she felt before that she gives in over and over again to the sexual invitations of men she knows she should not associate with.
Telling a girl like this that premarital sex is wrong is like cutting off weeds at ground level. It may alter her behavior for a while, but when those feelings of emptiness and insecurity begin to surface again, she will be drawn to get her needs met the way she always has.
Anyone who has brought up in a home where there was a deficiency of parental love will experience a stronger pull toward certain sins than a person who enjoyed a warm, loving home life…
…Unfortunate circumstances in no way relieve people of the guilt or responsibility of their behavior, but if they can understand the connection between their childhood experiences and their present struggles, [they may] be able to deal with the root of their particular temptation.
As long as men and women seek to gain their sense of significance and self-worth from anything other than God, they will be set up for temptation. Certain people, places, or things will always have an inordinate ability to lure them into sin. Until they change their definition of significance and until they transfer their security to Someone who can give them real security, they will never experience lasting victory in their lives. Charles Stanley in Winning the War Within, 29-30
KneEmail: “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” 1 Corinthians 618-20; cf., 1 Thess. 4:1-8
Bible reading for 05.05.10: Luke 23:1-25; 1 Kings 19, 20
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Desensitized

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nazi2.jpg LEADERSHIP MAGAZINE RELATES the following story…
A young Englishman was in Germany when the Nazis degrade the Jews in the streets. At first he was sick at the sight and rushed down a side street. The next time he felt he could look and stopped for a full minute. The third time he watched. The fourth time, as he stood with the jeering crowd, the sight seemed less revolting. He was becoming, he told himself, “objective.” And with this came the realization of his peril. This was not a part of life, a social phenomenon for study, It was the breath of hell (E.M. Blaiklock, Leadership, Winter, 1983).
THOUGHT: How can can one reach such depths that he becomes desensitized? How sad that so many have become callused to the things that go on around us.
. An unborn child is killed every 20 seconds.
. There were over 1,750,000 last year.
. God and the mention of Jesus have become a matter of abhorrence and have replaced in schools trumpted with condoms, safe sex, and godless humanism.
. Our society glorifies murder, rape, adultery, homosexuality, nudity, profanity, and fornication through movies and television.
. Churches have reached out to those in immoral relationships and accepted them.
Many have become desensitized to sin. Mark S. Aites, “Indifference,” Life’s Daily Struggles, The 31st Annual Lectureship–ETSOPM, 256-257
KneEmail: “‘Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? No! They were no ashamed; nor did they blush. Therefore they shall fall among those who fall; at the time I punish them, they shall be cast down,” says the LORD.” Jeremiah 8:12
Bible reading for 04.22.10: Luke 17:1-19; 2 Samuel 14-15
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