Category Archives: Parenting

Parent

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Today’s KneEmail comes from the National Review Online. Please pay special attention to the last three paragraphs. — mb

AS SOON AS the jury proclaimed Casey Anthony “not guilty,” her parents, George and Cindy Anthony, stood up, blank-faced, and walked out of the courtroom.
It was one of the few times since the trial began that the Anthonys did something I could relate to.
Just a few days earlier, Cindy Anthony attempted to convince jurors that she was the person who Google-searched “chloroform” on her home computer. When the searches were determined to have occurred during the time she was clocked in at work and logged into the company computer, she maintained her unlikely story, an obvious attempt to exonerate her daughter.
If Casey’s parents loved her enough to lie for her, there’s also no doubt that they adored their beautiful granddaughter, Caylee. Like so many other grandparents these days, they were the realparents to that little girl, providing the love and stability that their immature, partying, and selfish adult daughter wouldn’t. Casey Anthony didn’t have a job and she and Caylee lived with them — until Caylee disappeared and Casey moved in with her new boyfriend and his roommates. The Anthonys decorated their granddaughter’s room and filled their home and backyard with toys for her, including a playhouse that George Anthony built a floor onto so Caylee wouldn’t have to sit on the ground.
Like the Anthonys, my parents adore their grandkids. Like Mr. Anthony, my daddy lovingly tiled the bottom of the outdoor playhouse at their house for their grandkids. The difference between my parents and the Anthonys is that I can guarantee that if I had anything to do with the disappearance of one of my kids, or if I was lying or withholding information about my child’s whereabouts to the cops, as Casey clearly did and was found guilty of today, my parents would not be trying to help me get away with it. I am absolutely certain that they would be fully cooperating with law enforcement on behalf of their innocent grandchild.
The Casey Anthony verdict didn’t deliver justice for little Caylee. But it did give America some insight into the kind of family dysfunction and parental enabling that produces a mother like Casey: one who could move in with her boyfriend, enter a bikini contest, and get a “Bella Vita” tattoo during the time her little girl’s body was decomposing in a swamp near the family home.
Perhaps the most poignant moment in the trial was when the prosecutor described the way a different mother grieved the loss of her child in an accidental drowning. Sometime after the child was buried, a big storm came. That mother ran out to her child’s gravestone to be with her because, she said, her little girl had never been alone in a storm before. That’s how someone deserving of the title “mother” grieves. Sadly, Casey will never get enough time in prison to reflect on such things. Rachel Campos-Duffy at http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/271149/injustice-rachel-campos-duffy#.ThWzgLQAT8s.facebook
KneEmail: “And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventers of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.” Romans 1:28-32
Bible reading for 07.07.11: Acts 15.1-21; Job 34-35
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Chip

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tvRAY CHARLES observed, “Nowadays they say you need a special chip to put in the TV so kids can’t watch this and that…
In my day, we didn’t need a chip. My mom was the chip. End of story.”
THOUGHT: I believe you will agree that moms need to get back to guiding the house in this way. Wade L. Webster, “A Special Chip,” Riches From My Reading, The Searcher, April 17, 2011
KneEmail: “Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” 1 Timothy 5.14
Bible reading for 06.15.11: Acts 2.1-21; Nehemiah 1-3
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Degrees

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apolloNORMALLY, WITH NO phone or e-mail interruptions, I look forward to redeeming the time on a plane by writing, reading, or doing correspondence…
But after the battery on my computer ran out, and sitting next to someone for what seemed like forever, I finally struck up a conversation with my next-door neighbor. He was an engineer from the Houston area.
“Petroleum engineer?” I asked.
“No, I work for NASA,” he admitted.
And of course, for the next hour I’m sure that’s something he wished he hadn’t confessed. Like most people my age who grew up watching the build-up of manned space flight to Neil Armstrong leaving his footprints on the moon, I was an astronaut “wannabe” as a kid.
Here at last was my chance to talk to a genuine missle scientist and ask all my questions about space flight! He was patient and shared some incredible behind-the-scenes stories, including his role in the last Apollo space flight. But at one point I hit a nerve when I brought up what I thought was a simple “margin of error” question.
“What are the tolerances you build into the tragectory when you blast off and head to the moon?” I asked him. “For example, after you blast off, could you be just a little off, say like a couple of degrees off on your flight path, without it being such a huge problem?”
Out came his briefcase and his hybrid handheld calculator that would make a Texas Instruments T3000 blush and feel like a slide rule. In wnet the “very approximate” distance of 217,614 miles from earth to the moon (depending on the time of year and apoge of the moon’s orbit around the earth, of course). Fingers flew furiously for a few moments as some Einsteinian calculation continued.
“Be just two degrees off from when you blast off, and roughly talking into account the time and distance traveled,” he said as he turned his calculator toward me, “and you’ll miss not only your point of orbital entry, but you’ll miss the moon by a measly 11,121 miles.”
I wrote down that number on a torn off page of a USA Today that served as an impromptu notepad. “11,121.” I finally left my new NASA friend in peace, but I’ve never forgotten his conclusion or what it can tell us about the most important relationships and areas of our lives.
Add in enough time and distance, and be just two degrees off and you’ll miss your target by miles. I think that thought impacted me so much because it seemed to answer why and how the church of Ephesus had lost her first love. Just be two degrees off from a right heart attitude, add in enough time and distance, and an entire church can end up miles from God’s heart. John Trent, “How a 2 Degree Change Can Ruin or Renew Your Life,” HeartShift, 16-17
KneEmail: “Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place–unless you repent.” Revelation 2.4-5
Bible reading for 06.13.11: John 21; Ezra 6-8
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Father

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john-julian2.jpgWHEN A MAN abdicates his calling as a father, the world suffers the effects…
Julian Lennon, son of the late Beatles pop idol John Lennon, is a classic example. In his early twenties, Julian made his musical debut with a best-selling album. Then, to everyone’s shock, he suddenly stopped recording altogether. Seven years later, when he finally released a second album, he talked with a reporter about struggling to find his calling.
Julian’s mother and father had divorced when he was five, and after that he saw his father, John, perhaps a dozen times. “He walked out the bloody door and was never around,” Julian snapped. “I’d admire him on TV–listen to his words and opinions. But for someone who was praised for peace and love and and wasn’t able to keep that at home, that’s hypocrisy.”
As the reporter notes, “Julian became a self-taught musician. His father never game him a music lesson.” In the son’s words, “We sat down once and maybe he played five chords–that was that… The only thing he ever taught me was how not to be a father.”
His hatred for his father blinded Julian Lennon to his own calling, and the world suffered the lost of his talent for seven years. Gordon Dalby, “THE PAST – Healing the Wounds,” The Transformation of a Man’s Heart, 59-60
KneEmail: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22.16
Bible reading for 05.31.11: John 12.1-26; 2 Chronicles 13, 14
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Train

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robber.jpgA FLORIDA COUPLE A made the news some time ago for the extraordinary job they were doing instructing their teenagers on the ins and outs of the family business…
The family business, however, happened to be armed robbery.
Husband and wife were schooling their sons in such tools of the trade as AK-47 rifles, police scanners, escape routes, surveillance and surivial gear, etc. They carefully taught them hand-to-hand combat, and expected them to memorize police codes and map layouts. After each robbery the boys were debriefed, and their mistakes were spotted and corrected.
THOUGHT: Are we serious about teaching and training our children about living for God? Raising godly children is perhaps the most challenging task God bestows upon parents.
KneEmail: “Therefore you shall lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” Deuteronomy 11.18-19
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Scribble

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$R7GGU0H.jpgA YOUNG BOY watched as his father walked into the living room…
The boy noticed that his younger brother, John, began to cower slightly as his father entered. The older boy sensed that John had done something wrong. Then he saw from a distance what his brother had done. The younger boy had opened his father’s brand new hymnal and scribbled all over the first page with a pen.
Staring at their father fearfully, both brothers waited for John’s punishment. Their father picked up his prized hymnal, looked at it carefully and then sat down, without saying a word. Books were precious to him; he was a minister with several academic degrees. For him, books were knowledge.
What he did next was remarkable. Instead of punishing his brother, instead of scolding, or yelling, his father took the pen from the little boy’s hand, and then wrote in the book himself, alongside the scribbles that John had made. Here is what that father wrote: “John’s work, 1959, age 2. How many times have I looked into your beautiful face and into your warm, alert eyes looking up at me and thanked God for the one who has now scribbled in my new hymnal. You have made the book sacred, as have your brother and sister to so much of my life.” “Wow,” thought the older brother, “This is punishment?”
Since that time, the hymnal has become a treasured family possession. It is tangible proof that their parents love them. It taught the lesson that what really matters is people, not objects; patience, not judgment; love, not anger. Author unknown
KneEmail: “Love suffers long and is kind…” 1 Corinthians 13.4a; cf. 13.7
Bible reading for 01.26.11: Matthew 17; Exodus 14-15
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Hard

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A LITTLE BOY was trying to roll a rock as his father watched from a distance…
The boy was heaving and sighing, but he couldn’t turn the stone over.
His dad, with a smile said, “Son, are you using all of your strength?” He said, “Yes, Daddy, I’m using all my strength.” And the father said, “No, you’re not because you have not asked me to help you. My strength is your strength.”
Sometimes we wrestle with problems and say, “I don’t know what to do.” Our Father wants us to say, “I’ve run out of my strength,” and run into His. He is there.
Is there a problem too big for you to solve? Give it to your Father in Heaven. He can handle it. Adrian Rogers
KneEmail: “Is anything too hard for the LORD?” Genesis 18:14
Bible Reading for 11.18.10: Hebrews 13; Ezekiel 8-10
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Media

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images (6).jpg TOO OFTEN WE hand our children items that are dangerous to them spiritually without so much as a word of instruction…
Allow me to give a few examples:
Parents give their children iPods, yet never monitor what songs their children are buying and listening to every day. Some songs that are popular can contain as many curse words in 3 minutes as a 2-hour movie.
Children are given computers and/or Internet access that without guidance can lead them into a dark world of immorality, pornography, and child predators.
Video games are bought without thought or research, simply because it is what the child wanted. Many video games have heinous and disgusting content including sex, drugs, prostitution, and highly profane language.
We have many channels in our cable/satellite packages that glorify sex, homosexuality, alcohol, drugs, and immorality all throughout the day. Yet, many parents had over the controller to their children so that they may watch who knows what while they are not even home.
Our children are blindly led into the world of sexting and lewd pictures when they are given cell phones with no guidance.
Last, but in no way least, parents allow their children onto social networks such as Facebook and Myspace without any supervision, not realizing that these “social networks” are filled with immorality and evil influence.
These are a few of the dangers that we send our children into blindly because we have never taken the time to open their eyes. If we are not careful, we could be guilty of casting our children into the modern-day, spiritual equivalent of the fires of Molech (Jeremiah 32:35) by just letting our children loose into this world of electronic media influence. Parents must take responsibility for what they allow their children to consume from these many forms of electronic media. Nathan Adams, “Media and Our Children,” THINK, Sept., ’10, 21
KneEmail: “I will set nothing wicked before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; It shall not cling to me.” Psalm 101:3
Bible reading for 09.23.10: Galatians 2; Song of Solomon 1-3
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Approachable

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lamp.jpg A TEN-YEAR-OLD who is playing in a living room inadvertently knocks over a lamp and cracks its ceramic base…
He knows that the lamp is highly treasured by his parents, and–based upon past performance–he knows that they will fly into a rage when the crack is discovered. He realizes this in an instant as he surveys the damage. As he plots his next move, he can have no thought of confession. He notices that the lamp can be turned that the crack faces the wall and cannot easily be seen. Rather than face the issue head-on with his unapproachable parents, he elects to cover up the problem.
For weeks, however, the guilty child lives in fear of the day when someone will find the crack. Every time he sees his father or mother go near the lamp to turn it on or off, his body tenses–has the moment of truth arrived? The longer the secret is undisclosed, the more it drives a quiet wedge between him and his parents. He doesn’t enjoy the living room, especially when his parents are in it. Even the objects in the room become his enemies because they are identified with the lamp whose crack is going to betray him one of these days. The anticipated response to the crack has become more significant than the original problem. But unapproachability in bad moments–”when the heart is faint”–has quenched all possibility of keep short accounts.
Why is it hard to grant to children the same forgiveness we adults so desperately desire when we make mistakes? Must there be punishment for something which was done unintentionally–even if the initial act was actual disobedience?
The approachability of fathers in the early years of their children’s lives will reduce the number of defense mechanisms their children will erect. If they experience sledge-hammer reactions in their sour moments, children will create a remarkable facility for passing responsibility, making excuses, or perhaps taking no risks at all. What father wants that? Much better that they find in their fathers–effective fathers–tender responses when their child-sized hearts are faint. Gordon MacDonald, “No Busy Signals Here,” The Effective Father, 132-133
KneEmail: “…Indeed we do come to you. For You are the LORD our God.” Jeremiah 3:22b
Bible reading for 06.18.10: Acts 4:1-22; Nehemiah 10-11
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Observe

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sodom.jpg THE GENESIS ACCOUNT says that Lot went to his sons-in-law and told them that there was trouble ahead (19:12), that the city was doomed, and that they’d better evacuate while the going was possible…
This is what the Bible says about their response:
“But to his sons-in-law he seemed to be joking” (Genesis 19:14).
The most serious moment in Lot’s life turned out to be a hysterically funny joke. And why not? What did they have to go on when Lot tried to offer special leadership? His lifestyle? The way he had lived in the past in Sodom? He hadn’t talked about these things before; why should they be so excited when he suddenly raised these issues now? Lot was no one to be talking about judgment; it certainly hadn’t marked his life before this. He must be kidding.
Children do observe. What do they see? The answer separates the effective from the ineffective fathers. The former takes note of the importance of exposure to his children — that every moment he is with them is a chance to make a positive impression for the purpose of character building and spirit development. But the latter doesn’t see this. His view of the family is one of simply living together and finding the home to be little more than a meeting place in which to eat, sleep, and have a little fun. Gordon MacDonald, “Wear Shoes You Want to be Filled,” The Effective Father, 99-100
KneEmail: “Now you have observed my teaching, my conduct, my aim in life, my faith, my patience, my love, my steadfastness, my persecutions, my sufferings, what befell me at Antioch, at Iconium, and at Lystra, what persecutions I endured…” 2 Timothy 3:10-11
Bible reading for 06.17.10: Acts 3; Nehemiah 7 – 9
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