Degrees

Posted on June 13, 2011 by Mike Benson

apolloNORMALLY, WITH NO phone or e-mail interruptions, I look forward to redeeming the time on a plane by writing, reading, or doing correspondence…
But after the battery on my computer ran out, and sitting next to someone for what seemed like forever, I finally struck up a conversation with my next-door neighbor. He was an engineer from the Houston area.
“Petroleum engineer?” I asked.
“No, I work for NASA,” he admitted.
And of course, for the next hour I’m sure that’s something he wished he hadn’t confessed. Like most people my age who grew up watching the build-up of manned space flight to Neil Armstrong leaving his footprints on the moon, I was an astronaut “wannabe” as a kid.
Here at last was my chance to talk to a genuine missle scientist and ask all my questions about space flight! He was patient and shared some incredible behind-the-scenes stories, including his role in the last Apollo space flight. But at one point I hit a nerve when I brought up what I thought was a simple “margin of error” question.
“What are the tolerances you build into the tragectory when you blast off and head to the moon?” I asked him. “For example, after you blast off, could you be just a little off, say like a couple of degrees off on your flight path, without it being such a huge problem?”
Out came his briefcase and his hybrid handheld calculator that would make a Texas Instruments T3000 blush and feel like a slide rule. In wnet the “very approximate” distance of 217,614 miles from earth to the moon (depending on the time of year and apoge of the moon’s orbit around the earth, of course). Fingers flew furiously for a few moments as some Einsteinian calculation continued.
“Be just two degrees off from when you blast off, and roughly talking into account the time and distance traveled,” he said as he turned his calculator toward me, “and you’ll miss not only your point of orbital entry, but you’ll miss the moon by a measly 11,121 miles.”
I wrote down that number on a torn off page of a USA Today that served as an impromptu notepad. “11,121.” I finally left my new NASA friend in peace, but I’ve never forgotten his conclusion or what it can tell us about the most important relationships and areas of our lives.
Add in enough time and distance, and be just two degrees off and you’ll miss your target by miles. I think that thought impacted me so much because it seemed to answer why and how the church of Ephesus had lost her first love. Just be two degrees off from a right heart attitude, add in enough time and distance, and an entire church can end up miles from God’s heart. John Trent, “How a 2 Degree Change Can Ruin or Renew Your Life,” HeartShift, 16-17
KneEmail: “Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place–unless you repent.” Revelation 2.4-5
Bible reading for 06.13.11: John 21; Ezra 6-8
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Wound

Posted on June 10, 2011 by Mike Benson

WHENEVER YOU ARE impatient in sex, you’re going to do one of two things: you’re going to harm a good relationship, or you’re going to prolong a bad one…
When I say harm a good relationship, one of the worst things you can do is to get into premarital sex because it teaches you to communicate on a surface level. Sex becomes the power of your marriage instead of being the follow-through… You can’t run a marriage on sex.
A toddler, after scraping her knee, went to put some medicine on it as she had seen her mother do. Not knowing where the medicine was, she grabbed something that looked like it. It was in a tube like the one she’d seen her mother use. But the tube she grabbed was Super Glue. After pressing the Band-Aid down tightly, her “owie” felt better–for a time. Untill her mother removed the bandage…
If sex is used to resolve conflicts before marriage, it will be used in the same way after marriage, like the toddler using Super Glue–in a mistaken attempt to heal wounds. On the surface level it appears to be medicine, but it actually causes more harm than good. Things might “stick” together for a time, but the wounds don’t heal any more than did the toddler’s scrape. In fact, using sex to heal conflicts only makes the wounds worse.
If a couple doesn’t change their view on sex once they are married, they will continue to use sex as a substitute for real healing, thinking it’s holding the marriage together. They will look to their marriage bed to tell them if they are close or not. Their intimacy will be no greater than their last sexual experience–and will last about as long.
Biblical love, however, is modeled after Jesus. It does not seek its own pleasure. Heather Jamison, “Not As Strong As We Think,” Reclaiming Intimacy, 87-88
KneEmail: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.” 1 Thessalonians 4.3-8
Bible reading for 06.10.11: John 19.1-22; 2 Chronicles 34-36
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Home

Posted on May 6, 2011 by Mike Benson

THE STORMS THAT hit Mississippi, Alabama, and Georgia have left devastation and ruin all across these states…
The pictures are almost surreal.
It is hard to imagine entire neighborhoods, business districts, and countryside wiped out in just a matter of seconds from the force of the tornadoes that hit.
While we were fortunate that God spared us, we need to keep many other folks in our prayers.
Of all the pictures I saw of the damage, one stood out more than the others… a couple standing in front of some damaged houses. All around them is destruction and their faces betray their dismay at the magnitude of the damage. Yet, they are holding on to each other. Everything they were familiar with, everything they had known, everything that had been normal the day before, is now gone…but they have each other.
It is one thing to lose a house and all its furnishings. It is quite another thing to lose your home. A home can exist even when the house is gone. You see, a home is made up of two or more people who share love, life, and laughter. And that home is made stronger when God is at the center of everything that takes place in the lives of those who are part of it. When God is at the center, our homes are storm proof. That doesn’t mean bad things will never happen. It simply means that when tragedy does strike, you will find the two of them huddled together, holding each other, and giving and receiving support. That’s how homes weather a storm.
Many of the houses in Mississippi, Alabama, and Georgia are gone. They may be rebuilt, but the greatest asset for those who have lost so much is their home. Home…where love dwells, where joy and grief is shared, and where the storms of life are not a threat…but a shelter of protection. Gary Knuckles, “Storm Proof,” Briensburg church of Christ Bulletin, 05.01.11: www.briensburgchurchofchrist.org
KneEmail: “Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4.12
Bible reading for 05.06.11: Luke 23.26-56; 1 Kings 21, 22
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50/50

Posted on April 11, 2011 by Mike Benson

WHEN TWO PEOPLE get married, they have expectations how the relationship should work…
Often the unspoken assumption is that “my spouse will meet me halfway.” Sometimes it’s called the “50/50 Plan.” When the husband and wife operate on this plan, it’s easy for it to spread to othe members of the family.
The 50/50 Plan says, “You do your part, and I’ll do mine.” It sounds logical, but couples who use it may be surprised.
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in fron of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sate watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask it they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, “Oh, no. We’ve been married for 50 years, and everything has always been and will be shared 50/50.”
The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, “Not yet. It’s his turn with the teeth…”
The problem with most 50/50 arrangements is that giving is based on merit and performance. There’s a focus more on what the other person is giving than on what we are giving.
Think about the type of love God gives you. No matter what we do, He gives us 100 percent.
There’s a better plan. It’s called the “100/100 Plan.” Give 100 percent no matter what your spouse does. It really does work… H. Norman Wright, “50/50 or 100/100?”, Before You Say “I Do” Devotional, 105-106
KneEmail: “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5.8
Bible reading for 04.11.11: Luke 11.1-28; 1 Samuel 17-18
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Please

Posted on April 8, 2011 by Mike Benson

THERE IS AN old tale, attributed to Aesop, concerning a man who had two wives…
One was old; one was young.
The man was getting gray.
His younger wife did not want to be confused for his daughter, so when he was with her, while he was sleeping, she would pluck out his gray hairs.
The older wife welcomed the gray hairs. She was tired of being confused for his mother, so when he was with her, while he was sleeping, she would pluck out the dark hairs.
Soon, he was completely bald.
THOUGHT: If you try to please everyone, you will please no one.
KneEmail: “Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God.” 1 Thessalonians 4.1
Bible reading for 04.08.11: Luke 9.37-62; 1 Samuel 10-12
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Intimacy

Posted on March 30, 2011 by Mike Benson

HOW DO WE live in a media-saturated culture and not be affected by it…?
Unless you want to live in a cave and have no contact with the outside world, I don’t believe there is any way to be completely unaffected by the media. However, there are ways we can be less affected by it.
Suggestions:
1. Learn to discern. Just because a movie is at the theater or on the video store shelf, it doesn’t mean we need to see it. Make a commitment not to view sexually explicit movies, which would include most R-rated movies Use a resourse such as www.pluggedinmag.com to evaluate movies you are thinking about watching.
2. Consider your reading material wisely. When sitting in a waiting room surrounded by magazines, stop and consider what you are about to feed your mind.
3. Determine ahead of time what you will and will not watch, rather than simply hitting the clicker on the TV remote and surfing channels.
4. Limit movie and TV viewing to shows that do not idealize sex outside of marriage. If soap operas have captured your time, choose another form of entertainment in the afternoon.
5. Be willing to turn off movies and television shows if you discover they are sexual junk food.
6. Read magazines and books that will encourage you in marriage and God-honoring sexuality. Jill Savage, “Intimacy Inhibitors,” Is There Really Sex After Marriage, 39-40
KneEmail: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” Philippians 4.8-9
Bible reading for 03.30.11: Luke 5.17-39; Judges 9-10
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Marriage

Posted on January 31, 2011 by Mike Benson

THREE FRIENDS MARRIED women from different parts of the country…
The first man married a woman from Wisconsin. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Minnesota. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from the South. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he goes to the bathroom.
KneEmail: “A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.” Proverbs 17.22

Love

Posted on September 27, 2010 by Mike Benson

ROBERT THORTON RELATED the following incident from his childhood…
“In the middle of one of my parents’ more memorable disagreements, my father jumped up from the table, grabbed two sheets of paper, and said to my mother, ‘Let’s make a list of everything we don’t like about each other.’ Mom started writing. Dad glowered at her for a few minutes, and then wrote on his paper. She wrote again. He watched her, and every time she stopped, he would start writing again. They finally finished. ‘Lets exchange complaints,’ dad said. They gave each other their lists. ‘Give mine back,’ mom pleaded when she glanced at his sheet. All down the page dad had written: ‘I love you, I love you, I love you.’”
In the the long ago, Peter prayed,
7 “But the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers. 8 And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”] 9 Be hospitable to one another without grumbling. 10 As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. 11 If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 4:7-11
Please pay special attention to what Peter said about love. We are to have love above all things. It is to be first. Furthermore, please not that it is to be fervent. It is not to be lukewarm. Finally, please not that it is to be flourishing. It must cover a multitude of sins. Perhaps, it must cover them on many occasions.
How easy it would be to make a list of things that we do not like about one another. However, what we really need is to give love its proper place in our relationships one with another. Wade Webster, “I Love You, I Love You, I Love You,” The Searcher, August 15, 2010, 1
KneEmail: 4 “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Bible reading for 09.27.10: Galatians 6; Isaiah 3, 4
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Safety

Posted on June 11, 2010 by Mike Benson

WE ALL WANT to know that we have a safety net…
I don’t mind taking certain risks — I just want to know that, if I fall, there’s a net. When I was a young boy, I lied about my age and got a job as a contruction worker. I was a boilermaker. We built water tanks, housings for nuclear reactors, and other large steel structures. I was terribly afraid of heights, but I was willing to work several hundred feet in the air if there was at least a safety rope. Such is life. We will climb to the greatest heights if we know there is a net waiting below to catch us!
Walking in love is very threatening territory. It is like climbing an extremely high structure. Telling you how I really feel, expressing how your actions are really affecting me, owning my own weaknesses, giving you my heart fully — that is very risky business. The degree of honesty and vulnerability that is required for this kind of relationship is far beyond what most are willing to risk…unless they have a safety net.
This safety net is the degree of trust I have for you. I must know it is safe for me to give you this much of my life before I am willing to take the plunge. On the other hand, most of us expect our mates to blindly leap into our arms. They should know that we love them, and they should just trust us!
Trust, however, is never given; it is earned. The person who gives unearned trust will be hurt repeatedly. Of course, we must always be willing to trust. Agape-love should not look for reasons to withhold trust. But we should trust only to the level that someone has proven trustworthiness. Even God doesn’t ask us to trust beyond the level of love He has proven. Dr. James B. Richards, “The Safety Net,” We Still Kiss, 112-113
KneEmail: “As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the LORD is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.” Psalm 18:30
Bible reading for 06.11.10: John 19:23-42; Ezra 1,2
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Signpost

Posted on June 10, 2010 by Mike Benson

…THE DESIRE TO talk is a behavioral tendency, not a gender issue…
There are men who love to talk and there are women who love to talk. The fact that a man wants to talk does not mean that he is weak. The most powerful men in the world are those who know how to communicate and negotiate. Every day the heads of countries sit downwith other leaders and discuss delicate issues that will alter the course of our world. Many businessmen daily negotiate multimillion-dollar deals that create our national economy.
So the real issue about communication is not a “male-female” issue; it is a value issue. We talk to people whom we value about things that we value: We transact business deals; we broker loans; we answer questions for customers. Why? We value the paycheck. That value gives us the emotional resources we need to communicate. Then when we come home, we expect our mates to do all that we want out of obligation. We want the emotional payday, and we certainly want the passionate payday. But are we willing to invest in our relationships as we are in our jobs?
What does that mean, you ask? Let me put it this way: Are you interested in your mate’s life? Do you want to know about his or her day? Are you interested in what your spouse has experienced and accomplished? Are his or her feelings really important? Is your mate precious enough that you care about his or her life? Communication is a signpost along the road to affection and passion. If you don’t see one, you are lost and traveling down the wrong path. Dr. James Richards, “Safe Communication,” We Still Kiss, 139-140
KneEmail: “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.” Proverbs 12:18
Bible reading for 06.10.10: John 19:1-22; 2 Chronicles 34-36
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Category Archives: Marriage