Couple on Beach

What Sex Can Do to a Dating Relationship

The lovely young woman sat hunched over on the couch, closing in on herself.

Her tear-streaked face reflected the story that her mind struggled to relate. The raw pain in her heart punctuated her words as the older woman sat before her.

The young woman’s voice cracked as she spoke.

“We used to talk for hours and he was so sweet. But that all changed once we slept together. Now, you know, he’s different. He doesn’t seem to care about me anymore, only my body. And he is just so demanding. He keeps pushing me to do more.”

Carefully, the older woman chose her words. “Do you think he loves you?”

“I don’t know anymore. I thought he did. But, now, I don’t know. I’m not sure who he is anymore. I just wish I could take it back.”

Her experiences are very common in a world where sex is cheap and hearts are disposable.

Once sex enters a relationship, it will never be the same. It takes on a life of its own and grows larger and more invasive every day.

When our dating relationship turns physical, and we spend more time with our hands than our ears, we gain a distorted perspective of our lover. How can we be certain, once sex enters the relationship, if it is the pleasure that they want or us?

The young woman above can stop sleeping with her boyfriend, but he will likely break up with her, justifying her suspicion that it wasn’t really her that he cared for. Accordingly, she feels used and cheap, wishing that she had waited.

God knew what he was doing when he commanded us to abstain from sexual relations outside of marriage.

“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4, NKJV).

If we will get to know someone to their core, without the messy complications of a physical relationship, we will develop a higher bond and friendship that will carry us through the waxing and waning days of aging. Our bond will grow more resilient and passionate.

God’s plan was for a man and woman to get married, join in a sexual relationship, free of disease, learning and growing together, without the need to perform to a certain artificial standard.

They will not have previous lovers in their minds and will not be judging and comparing. All will be new and fresh (Genesis 2:18-25).

Sex is when a couple gives up their selfish nature and shares with their lover (Ephesians 5:21). It is the most intimate moment in a marriage and it is too special for any other relationship (Song of Solomon).

Trust God and allow his plan to reserve this very special gift for the proper place and time. Otherwise, we will tarnish a treasure, bringing pain and hurt into our lives.

Let us stay pure outside of marriage and enjoy God’s plan to the fullest (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).

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Richard lives in Florence, Alabama and is married to Deirdre. They have three daughters. He is an avid reader, devoted writer and lover of history and research. He is the author of "The Most Important Question" and is working on more books.

4 thoughts on “What Sex Can Do to a Dating Relationship

  1. Very good, Richard. I especially like the apt phrase, “we spend more time with our hands than our ears,” for the sad state of affairs a relationship gets to.

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